


Star Trek Will Go On

by thebureauisclosed (insibbegerest)



Series: Parody Must Go On [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3452417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insibbegerest/pseuds/thebureauisclosed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another typical day on the Enterprise. Guest stars in order of appearance: Random Glowing Thing, Random Female and Random Redshirts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Trek Will Go On

**Author's Note:**

> This crazy short thing is my love letter to Star Trek and a rather dumb way of saying goodbye to Leonard Nimoy, who sadly left us yesterday. May he rest in peace.

„Captain!“ Sulu shouts. „There’s something on the sensors!“

„When isn’t there,“ says Kirk. „What does it look like?“

„Like an awful 60’s special effects thing in the shape of a big glowing purple ball. It’s getting closer, what should we do?“

„Let’s contact it. I know what these glowing balls are like, we meet them like every two episodes, after all. I’m pretty sure it wants to gobble up the whole Enterprise or control the universe or something. But I’m going to stop it!“ Kirk yells. The camera zooms in on him as he raises his arm and clenches his fist. His shirt rips. It is all very dramatic.

McCoy, whose ears are very sensitive to the sound of shirt-ripping by now, suddenly appears on the bridge. He’s carrying a stack of new shirts so high it hides his face completely. But Kirk recognises the doctor anyway, all the _damn-it-Jims_ gave him away.

„These are for today,“ McCoy grumbles. „Seriously Jim, can’t you at least try to be a little bit more careful? I’m a doctor, not a laundrywoman.“

Kirk takes off his destroyed shirt and puts on a new one. „Sorry, Bones. I can’t help it. Now, let’s talk to the flying thing!“

„Hello,“ says the flying thing in a god-like voice with an added reverb effect. „I want to destroy the Enterprise.“

„Why?“ Kirk asks.

„Your life-form is inferior. I mean, it makes no sense, you have all those big ships and machines and I am just a big aggressive glowing ball, but it’s what the script says and we have to stick to the script, right?“

„That’s only logical,“ Spock nods in agreement.

„Good. So, your race is inferior and I’m hungry. Surrender, else I will swallow your ship.“

„And if we do surrender?“ asks McCoy.

„I will swallow your ship anyway.“

„What difference does it make then?!“

„None.“

All personnel on the bridge gather around Kirk, consulting whether they should surrender or not.

„Listen, Big Glowing Thing,“ Kirk speaks up, „I have a bit of a self-sacrifice complex, so I’d like to offer myself to you. Eat me and leave my crewmen alone, what do you say?“

„Sounds cool,“ the Thing shrugs. Well it doesn’t really shrug because Things can’t shrug, but if they could shrug, it would undoubtedly shrug.  

„Wait,“ says Spock, „when it comes to the captain, I also suffer from a self-sacrifice complex. Eat me, too.“

„Are you two insane?!“ McCoy cries out.

„Yes,“ says Kirk simply.

„The thing is, doctor, neither of us is currently wearing a red shirt, which means we have to survive no matter how dangerous the situation is,“ Spock explains.

„In a pig’s eye! Alright, alright, I am going with you.“

A bright orange light flashes. It looks like the Enterprise is throwing a disco party. Except there is no music and no balloons and no mirror balls, which means it is no disco party. That saddens Chekov. He would very much like to attend a party because parties were invented in Russia. He says so outloud and the only response he gets is a heavy sigh from Uhura.

 

xxx

 

„We’re alive,“ says McCoy with disbelief. „Except we’re not on the bridge anymore.“

„Of course we are alive,“ says Spock. They can’t just die, wasn’t McCoy listening?

„What is this place?“ asks McCoy.

„Well I am no expert,“ says Kirk, „but it bears a striking resemblance to Earth in 1955.“

„Oh, look!“ says McCoy. „A woman is approching us!“

It truly must have been a woman for she was surrounded by smoke, her eyelashes were approximately 9.9 meters long and she was only wearing a vest and a short skirt even though it was quite cold outside.

„I am here to take you captive,“ says the woman.

„Why?“ asks Kirk.

„Because I am evil, I guess,“ she shrugs.

„Ok,“ says Kirk. That makes sense. He lets the woman lead them to a cell.

„Great. What now?“ hisses McCoy once they’re locked up.

„I will get us out,“ says Kirk like it’s the easiest thing in the world. „HEY, LADY!“

The woman returns. „Yes?“

„Do you think I am handsome?“

„Of course.“

„If I kiss you, will you let us out?“

„Yeah, why not.“

Kirk kisses the woman. She keeps her promise and sets them free. Some people are bothering them and giving them weird looks while they are escaping the prison, but after Spock uses his signature nerve pinch on them, it’s all okay. Somehow, Kirk manages to rip his shirt again. No one questions it.

„Scotty!“ yells Kirk after they get out. „Beam us up.“

„Aye, captain,“ says Scotty and beams them up.

The trio walks back to the bridge. While passing through the corridor, Kirk stumbles over two dead bodies. First, he is worried, but then he notices that both corpses are dressed in red. That explains everything.

 „Where is the Thing?“ asks Kirk after returning to the bridge.

„It exploded,“ says Sulu. „My theory is that it accidentally transported you to another planet instead of eating you and the transporting spell was so complicated it killed the Thing.“

„Fascinating,“ says Spock and raises his eyebrow. Kirk gives him a fond look.

„Not really,“ McCoy mutters under his breath.

Kirk laughs because that’s what he does whenever the episode is ending.

Music starts playing.


End file.
